The Blithe Traveler: Castle Quid Pro Quo

With a history harkening back to the 9th century, Wawel Castle perches atop a limestone outcrop on the left bank of the Vistula River in Kraków. The complex was built over centuries, so mixes Romanesque, Gothic, Renaissance, and Baroque architectural styles. The result is a stunning mish mash of fabulous castle-ness. And I am jaded, so that is saying a lot.

This is the Sigismund III Vasa Tower, built in 1595 and the (extensive) defensive walls. Old and hard to attack.

I confess to castle-weariness. We have visited castles in more cities than I care to name, although, if you want the truth, we rarely go inside. We generally walk up the hill (because, all castles are up on a hill), meander around the outside, oohing and ahing at the grandeur of it all, snap a few photos, locate a playground, let the children play, and then walk back down again. Amazing how many castles come with playgrounds, by the way.

However, the hike up to Wawel castle was a particularly long one, and the day was a bit raw and chilly, AND, drum roll, I have been wanting to do a "Royal Apartments" tour and have forestalled, thinking always, as one must, of the children. Face it, a Royal Apartments tour isn't going to do a blessed thing for them. Come to think of it, the last one I did was the Summer Palace in St. Petersburg, when I was pregnant with Tom.

So, given that it was Mother's Day weekend and all, I gave them The Lecture: We do stuff for you all the time, so, despite the fact that you were dragged to Warsaw against your will, YOU WILL BEHAVE FOR ONE HOUR WHILE I ENJOY THE ROYAL APARTMENT TOUR!! Capisce? <<--This is what I said. In hindsight, I realize we were in Krakow. But I really struggled with this.

The Wawel Cathedral (aka, Cathedral Basilica of Sts. Stanisław and Vaclav). It has a 1,000 year history, and is the traditional coronation site of Polish monarchs. The current, Gothic cathedral, is the third edifice on this site: the first was constructed and destroyed in the 11th century; the second one, constructed in the 12th century, was destroyed by a fire in 1305. The construction of the current one begun in the 14th century. Oldie, old old old.

They capisced, bless their little hearts. Hope got a little whiny, but Tom kept explaining to her, "Look, Hope, this is for mom. You can stand this just a little bit longer for her, can't you?" So, maybe they are not as badly trained as I think they are.

This is the Renaissance courtyard of the Royal Apartments. Shocking how much it looks like the stable the Hapsburg's built for the Spanish Riding school. But I suppose, that was the style. Royal apartments, stables for the royal horses, it all sort of blends together.

The actual tour was a tetch disappointing, even for me. I love reading about history and imagining what it was like Back In the Day. But my Back in the Day, well, it smells bad. It has dirt in the corners. There are people wandering around trying to stab each other in the back, in the most literal of senses, of course. There are people eating greasy game meat and wiping their hands on their merkins ... er, I mean, jerkins, right?

I have this fervent desire to spend a week living in a disgusting mud hole of a freezing cold castle just to feel, taste and smell what it was really like. Although one imagines that ending up with cholera could be a real downer. My imagination is vivid, but I am quite sure my 21st century brain can't really wrap itself around What It Was Like.

What the Royal Apartments were like, was very pristine, gloriously beautiful with huge high ceilings, fantastic marble floors and beautiful tile stoves tucked into the far corners (I asked the question, "Weren't they cold??" These are the things I need to know! Turns out, yes, they were. In the winter, the floors would be covered with carpets and the beds covered with fabrics to huddle under.), very spare furniture (but where were the clothes!? where were the royal undergarments stored, both clean and used!? inquiring minds want to know this far more than how old that carved table is!) and quite a few portraits, all of which seemed to be discussed at great length. Even I was yawing at some point. So, the very sanitary tour was a bit sterile. Interesting, but not sufficient.

Still, I was grateful that the children held it together for an hour.

So, payback being a you-know-what, I agreed to take the children to the Dragon's Den. Which seemed like it might make them happy. The Dragon's Den is a cave under the castle that is described as a "popular tourist stop." And while the cave itself was lame, this awesome statue was not. It was fire breathing. No word of a lie. Look carefully at the nose and you can see an odd spot of orange that you might attribute to bad photography. Nope. Fire.

The thing does not breathe fire continuously, but rather sporadically. Or perhaps on schedule? We didn't hang around long enough to work out the mechanics of it, but it does breath fire in a loud, vibrant and breathtaking kind of way.

Now the why of why dragons are important in Warsaw Krakow is as follows: Smok Wawelski, also known as The Dragon of Wawel Hill or simply The Wawel Dragon, is a famous dragon in Polish folklore. He laird in a cave under the Wawel Hill on the banks of the Vistula river. Each day the evil dragon would beat a path of destruction across the countryside, killing people, pillaging their homes and devouring their livestock. In many versions of this story, the dragon especially enjoyed eating young girls, and could only be appeased if the townfolk would leave a young girl in front of his cave once a month. The King certainly wanted to put a stop to that awful situation, but his bravest knights fell to the dragon's fiery breath. In the versions involving the sacrifice of young girls, every girl in the city was eventually sacrificed except one, the King's daughter Wanda. In desperation, the King promised his beautiful daughter's hand in marriage to anybody who could defeat the dragon. Great warriors from near and far fought for the prize and failed. One day, a poor cobbler's apprentice named Dratewka accepted the challenge. He stuffed a lamb with sulfur and set it outside the dragon's cave. The dragon ate it and soon became incredibly thirsty. No amount of water could quell his stomach ache, and after swelling up from drinking half of the Vistula river, he exploded. The apprentice married the King's daughter as promised and they lived happily ever after.

So, dragons are an important part of Polish culture. Much like Brno, only, totally different.

Sadly, while the Fire Breathing Dragon was cool, it did not suffice as pay back for the Wee Children. Luckily, we stumbled upon a Fun Fair at the foot of the castle.

From 9th Century Castle to 21st Century Bouncy Castle, they found happiness:

Good heavens, you ask yourself, "Is this safe??" No. Of course not. But, all survived to bounce another day. So consider it a win.

Weird Wiki Tidbit of the Day: A column fragment of Wawel Castle has been incorporated into Chicago landmark Tribune Tower. Located in its own niche over the upper-left corner of the main entrance, it is a visual tribute Chicago's large Polish populace, the largest such presence outside of the Republic of Poland.